Awkward Moments

Every now and again I tend to go through my little emotional tangent where I feel like no one gets me. But yay God I have not experienced it in a while but I now realize why I felt that way so often; why I felt that no one really got me. Here's the final answer, the lights grow dim and the spotlight is on, the dramatic music plays and comes to a halt. The answer is: A. I am weird! I mean other people, at least the ones who get to know me think I'm pretty cool, and I think so too, but I know that I'm a weirdo. Not in a wacky way though; probably had you worried for a second.

Ok so how did I come to this realization. Pleassee let me tell you! Well I was talking to my dearest and closest friend who told me about a person he had an encounter with. He begins to list some of her characteristics, behaviors, and interactions with other. As I am listening, I realize I relate to some of these things all to well. With my head cocked to the side and my eyes wandering aimlessly falling into semi deep thought I say to myself, "That's me. OO shoot that's me." Luckily I'm at a mature stage in my life where I can laugh about it all or else I would be crying deeply in my pillow. Haha. Let me proceed to give you a list of things I've noticed:

1. I'm boring!
Well I am funny, but only with people I know pretty well or people I get an instant connection with

2. The best way I know how to connect with people is when I know their dealing with something or more of a deeper context. By nature I love to help people and sadly enough by nature I don't know really know how to interact with people. Bummer right. I know!

3. In relation to #2 I can be socially awkward because at times I don't know what to say around people. I hate being in large crowds, I don't like talking on the phone because I don't really ever have anything to say or know what to ask, I don't really like parties or social events. Especially when you get into circles and everyone asks the same dang questions and it feels like the evening is on replay. THat's boring to me!

4. I am a loner, and that's why I am alone.

I always wondered why people never called me to hang out as much as I would like and its because I'm boring. Now that makes me laugh hysterically. I find some hope in this .I am a weirdo but I don't have to be.

So I did two things to remove myself from this cycle. Usually when people invite me to large crowds I decline and accept a beautiful invitation to sit at home, watch movies, write , paint, or play the Sims. So today I went to this little greeters reception at church to meet some people and learn more about the church.It was kinda lame but I got 1/4 of a muffin and a little piece of pastry. Check yes. Tonight I went to an event to get to know my neighbors within the apartments. I wanted to leave within the first 10 minutes probably was five if I actually looked at the time. But I stayed for 50 minutes although I was the first to leave. I felt awkward.lol. Well hey it was a step dangit.

Well I still have a lot of work to do. But cheers I making strides.

P.S. I want to give a shot out to my dad because he ignited this inner search I've started to journal. Thanks to mi madre for always being honest about the things she sees. I guess I do have some tough skin to shed. Amen for parent!