Home isn't always safe

Please, please, please let me explain myself. This blog is definitely not what you think. Let me clarify that I love my home, the home I grew up in and I love my parents. But that's not the home I am referring to. I am referring to the home within ourselves. The familiarities that we have developed over time, that makes us feel at home, makes us feel safe, and makes us feel comfortable. Last night I was trying to sleep, and there was a phrase that continued to play in my mind. Frantically, I could hear this voice say, "Come home! Come home! Come home" over and over again. No, I am not crazy or psychic or whatever assumptions you may have about me at this point. But like you probably are I was a bit surprised and confused. This little weird episode frustrated the mess out of me too, I just wanted to go sleep and I'm hearing this. I thought I was crazy but maybe it was God's way of speaking to me.

So here's how the story comes full circle. Today my roommate had some guest over; two of some her dearest friends. I think in a way I might have offended her guest by staying my room. She made a comment asking if I was afraid of her. I know she was joking, but as I sat here in my room I was inclined to think of the effect of my actions towards others and toward me. When I got back to my room and began to pray I thought, " Nashira you need to get out". I needed to get out of this bubble I created and interact, get involved. And then it came to me; I had an "Ohhhhhhhh" moment, understanding the connection between last night and today's.

I'm learning that I run home a lot. I run home to things that are familiar, where I know things will remain the same unless I change it myself. I run home afraid to let others in and afraid to let myself out. I run home to things that will fill up any emptiness I have. Not to say that I am feeling empty right now, but I see how this concept filters into other parts in my life. There is no safety in this, this is just a harmful chain reaction that can lead me in the wrong direction. For example, to shed even more light on the situation. Today was not a good day for me, it was quite overwhelming at points. By the end of the day I didn't care much about anything. I wanted to run home to old habits. I set out in my mind that I was going to buy some food that was bad for me without any guilt. I felt entitled to that Debbie apple pie( you remember the 50 cent ones with the glaze over top and apple topping surrounded by I think a fried crust or baked. Who cares it's good)because I wasn't feeling good, although I shouldn't spend my money on frivolous things especially when I'm darn near broke. Luckily, at the time there was nothing in the store that was quite appetizing , but my roommate bought me cheesecake later on that evening. I didn't eat it as a means of comfort by that time. I hope that doesn’t ruin the point. If it did sorry. Ok, so all that to say, by seeking out bad food I was going back home to what was familiar; to my eating habits that are apart of the reason for my obesity today.This is not where I want to find security, nor let my heart get content with my actions, that only hinder me,although at times it may feel as if it strengthens me.

With all this in mind I think of the time Jesus is speaking to a wealthy man and he tells him to leave all his wealth behind and the man walks away sad. Wealth was his home, he didn't understand a life otherwise. He didn’t understand that God would bless him once he got out of that box, out of the home he built for himself. If we chose to get outside of the homes we built for ourselves and venture out into a whole new realm that is bigger than what we thought, God will bless that an honor that, exposing us to greater things. It’s like the term enlarge my territory Lord. How can our territory be enlarge if we aren't willing to get acquainted with something new. God is not going to bless us with more if we are going to let what he gives us sit and waist away. It's like receiving five acres of land and taking care of only one, while letting the rest wither and die. So today I say to myself and maybe this is an encouragement to you, "Get out!" And once I do, once you do, and we do, God is going to show us some amazing things.